Sunday School & Honesty

I had not been intending to talk over this thing that happened in Sunday School before. I had just decided to avoid Sunday School and all small groups. I knew that wasn't a great idea. I just didn't know what else to do. Yesterday, my therapist and I sat down and talked about what I needed to do differently in Sunday School and other small groups so that I could learn to negotiate them with more success. "Take a step back. Let other people lead the discussion. Don't be always trying to prove my worth by the information and insight I have to offer. Make it my goal to listen to other people's contributions and find value in what they have to say. Value possible relationships more than perfect understanding of the text."

What had happened before was that I heard my S.S. teacher talking about the times and recommended that he watch "Fight Club." He heard that it was a Brad Pitt movie and discounted it, as though Brad Pitt was the only reason a person would watch the movie. He's no fan of Mr. Pitt's so he had no interest in what I was trying to say to him. I wanted to scream. I felt so disrespected. Well, I sat down and watched my copy of "Fight Club" with my S.S. teacher in mind. Before, it has always seemed so profound. When I watched it through his eyes, though, it was just profane and violent. He'd never make it all the way through the movie to get to the point.

I just wanted to be regarded as an equal, rather than a child. I'm the same age as his daughter, Lori, but they speak of her as though she's a fellow adult. They talked like they respected and liked my little brother (14 years younger than me), telling me that he ought to be president one day. My brother and my mom talk about these two teachers (husband and wife) that teach my S.S. class like they're so wonderful. The thing is, it's my brother that showed me "Fight Club." I was so blown away by it that I promptly purchased it. My brother, when told of this teacher's reaction to my suggestion, looked down on me and said that he would never have mentioned it to this particular teacher, a man who really wears his Baptist faith on his sleeve at school and wherever he is. That seems so false, though. My brother lets people think they know him, but he's manipulating people with half truths -- the same way I used to, back before my 1988 car accident. Kevin talks like he's so touch, like he doesn't care what anybody thinks. He and my mom think that I am a slave to the opinions of others. They treat me with scorn.